getting to know

When I was seventeen I
sat in my parents’ house
on a green velvet chair

the green just a memory really
of green
more grey, more brown than green
the velvet scraped bare in spots

like my hand
as I sat there
nails of my left hand
carving a crescent into the
back of my right

not blinking not blinking
not blinking

the sting localized
drawing the ache
shutting down thought

abstract neurons synapses etc.
I imagine every signal
pulsing from hand to brain
brain to hand
while my
heart
unnoticed

****

When I was seven I
laid back on my
looking at the ceiling

I caught the eye of
the metal elephant bank
you put a quarter in its trunk
push the lever and
send the quarter into the slot

I watched the elephant
watching me
and wondered what he thought
of the little girl
lying there numb to touch

I wanted my own quarter to add
maybe after
for good behavior